The Story That Changed How I Talk About Feedback
I have to share something that happened during a recent consulting session that completely shifted how I think about feedback conversations between generations.
I was working with a marketing team where the manager, Sarah (Gen X), was struggling with her newest hire, Jake (Gen Z). The issue? Jake kept asking for feedback after every project, sometimes multiple times a week.
Sarah’s frustration was palpable: “He’s so needy. When I was starting out, no news was good news. If your boss wasn’t yelling at you, you were doing fine.”
But when I sat down with Jake separately, his perspective was completely different: “I just want to know how I’m doing so I can get better. The silence makes me think I’m failing.”
Here’s what hit me: They were both right, and they were both wrong.
Sarah wasn’t being deliberately withholding – she was showing care the way she’d learned to appreciate it. In her experience, being left alone meant trust and competence.
Jake wasn’t being needy – he was trying to be responsible. In his world, regular check-ins meant growth and engagement.
The breakthrough came when I helped them understand each other’s “feedback languages.” Sarah learned that for Jake, quick weekly check-ins actually made him more independent, not less. Jake learned that Sarah’s trust was shown through autonomy, not constant communication.
Now they have a system: brief Monday check-ins and a longer monthly conversation. Jake gets the guidance he needs, and Sarah sees an employee who’s becoming more confident and self-directed.
The lesson for me? It’s not about changing either person – it’s about creating systems that honor both communication styles.
Sometimes the solution isn’t choosing sides. Sometimes it’s building bridges.
Post a comment: